Cause it's a bitter sweet symphony that's life...Try to make ends meet ,you're a slave to the money then you die...I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down...You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet...

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Me Today!


Things are clear today...
Listen to--Ten2Five: My world is full of you.


Well, I'm a bit calm now. Inside and out. Well, I never tell what I feel yesterday to anybody except you guys--MY BLOGGER FRIENDS. Yes, It's true. Told you I'm a bit INTROVERT. LOL.

Last night, I spend my night read two books, from the first cover to the every last bits of it. LOL. *nodded* I'm a book worm, I am! First book ia a chicklit thing, just for fun and stuffs. It's about 188 pages and second book is a popular philosophy book, it's 158 pages long. And yes I read them all! marathon! huahahaha! I feel lika a king of the world! Geee...wait a sec! Not that! That's Titanic. LOL.

At first I dislike that popular philosophy book. It's my friend's book. I refuse to read it at first because the cover and the title is so cheesy and cheap. Well, that night I don't know why...I just wanna read that book...and after a couple pages I realize, hey this book wasn't that bad!. The last thing I know I was on the end of the book and I really get the answer about love, about what I feel last night...and I learn a bit to calm. And yes, feel satisfied! I just being weird and a bit freaking out. Because it's the second time I get and answer from a book or a piece of paper about love, about to choose, about my worriness. It was so WEIRD.

I dunno about it, tho. I kinda believe in signs and all. But I dunno, maybe it's just a coincedence. Maybe...

But I feel satisfied and calm at the moment and it was a good feeling. Thanks God! ^_^

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Me Today!


Such a lazy ass, yep, that' me
Listen to--Avril Lavigne: I'm with you (Not really like her tho)

I really don't have a spirit to move myself to do something worthy. I feel like a dead flesh sitting on the couch and watching all of those DVDs. I feel like a crap, in and out. I hate my parents for draging me all the time to support my sister, who apparently will have her so called SAT. I hate Dimas and myself for being jealous to him, I hate myself for not even have the spirit of holidays. And regrets all the projects I will have next year. I hate people who like me and ask me out. I hate them, don't they have any other girls to hit. I hate all the attetion that they give to me. I'm sick. Yes, I agree.

I had too much tears to cover with fake smiles.

I can't stand it anymore. I just hate it because why all of the attention that I get/need is not come from the guy who I want him to give me some!! FUCK!
I try to push myself out of limit. I try to understand with all of the job and project he headed. I try to, fuck, I try to fucking understand it all. So many times I lied to myself that I can understand it and being supportive with all the project he have. He don't want me to help him in his project! I don't want to be selfish and childish. But for GODSAKE! I just wanna help him. Is this it? just that? I fell like a complete loser.
Ironic isn't it. I have all the attention from guys who likes me, Danial, Piti, etc, but not from Dimas. Not from him.

Maybe he don't want to ruin my holidays. Right Holidays! Holidays! fuck holidays! You called this holidays? Can't spend time with your loved one! Holidays?! Right!

Maybe I just too scare I can't control myself anymore. I already make a decesion last nigth. I have to forget 'the other person' because I think I need Dimas more. But anything turn out to be something wrong. Why I feel insecure with Dimas. I still don't believe he really love me. I don't know if I'm some kinda freak paranoid or I'm too stupid to love someone. I feel stupid and lose control. I hate myself for losing control and being a stupid lover! I know it's only hurt myself. I can't belive in myself when I'm with Dimas.

I'm scare. You know what's funny? I don't even know why I scared for...

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Me Today!


Just had my statistics final
Listen to--people's chatting around

Whoa! it's been a while was it? LOL. Oh, yeah, I just have my statistics final. You ask me how was it? Please don't ask! LOL. I think (again!) I will get C. Shit! Whatever!

Have guys seen 50 first date? Man! I love Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. Aren't they lovely couple? I love them! I love the movie.

Well, my school life is hectic. It's final indeed my friend! Fuck! LOL. A lot of papers to be done. Personality paper--discuss about my fav poet--Chairil Anwar's personality. Mental Health--making an intervention program for teenageers with mental disability. And paper for Economics Behavior--whose prof always calling my name at least 3 times in a day! Fuck! what's the matter with him? What's his problem?! Dammit!--Oh, yeah I work the paper with Dimas and the rest of the gang. LOL. A bit fun, consider Dimas is in my group. LOL. Oh, yeah..since I have to read this 'sexuallity today' it's really give a bad mental image and making me thinking about sex all the time. Help me! LOL! *must burn the book!*

My love life is (still) confusing but it's better now. I still try to forget the other guy and put Dimas in good position. LOL. *not THAT position we're talking about* *must burn THE book* LOL.
I miss laughing and spending time with him and not involved book and papers in it. It's been a long time we don't go out and spend time together. CJ, be patience, finals are only 2 weeks ahead! *patience!? right! it's HALF A MONTH! YOU FREAK!* LOL.

Oh, well..must burn the book now...LOL. kiddin' I have to go back to finish the damn papers! see ya around!

Thanks for pluggins, guys!